Now I only had one party last month, but it was a doozy, 14 hours of partying that included a daytime pool event migrating into a nightclub mind eraser. You all worked pretty hard to make sure that The Standard Hotel, West Hollywood was turned on it’s drunken head that day, and you should all feel proud about that, but these special folks really caught my eye for one reason or another and that special ability must be rewarded. Here are my Golden Achievers from our 4th of July.
Babygirl knows that the most American thing you can channel with your 4th of July outfit is our consumerism, and what better way than with money! Naturally the only song running through my mind right now while looking at her is “Money” as sung by The Flying Lizards, “The best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and bees, I want MONEY!”
This girl is just straight up gorgeous, and positively glowing! Her coordination game is also on point; if you look closely you can see that her eyelashes are purple to match her dress. And that hair! Girl, who’s your colorist? I need to get myself on that tip.
It’s not an easy task to be goth at a pool party, and for that I must applaud them. Wearing all black and scowling facial expressions isn’t for everybody, but these two pull it off well. I hope you didn’t get too much sun, babies. Can’t be screwing up that milky white skin.
BREAKFAST AT RHONDA
Well isn’t she just picture perfect? Channeling Audrey Hepburn while still giving you Los Angeles pool appropriate, how cute. I actually need to stop looking at this because I was once jealous of Audrey and I’m about to get that feeling again staring at this girl.
These ladies put a lot of effort into being as patriotic as they possibly could be, and it paid off. I can just imagine a man looking at them and hootin’ “GOD BLESS AMURRRICA.” This is like a female Mount Rushmore of Americana.
Ushering in the night party is this Disco soldier, ready and willing to escort you damsels in distress through the trenches of drunken compatriots in the club. I salute you sir.
And if he or any of you are in need of relief, our substance abusive nurse is rolling right up behind him with reserves of whatever you need to keep fighting the good disco fight long into the night. What a great battalion I have.
Looking like an evil villain is such a good look for some people, it really fits this boy well. Snarling with a cunty hat, cut up eyebrows, a bindi that matches your nails and some leopard Versace madness complete with a mermaid haired sidekick. Don’t cross him unless you’re looking for a fashion fight.
It’s really time to bring this category back, so thank you young couple for reminding me of one of the most important parts of Rhonda: MAKING OUT. If you haven’t made out with somebody long and hard with disco ball overhead and pounding body music while in my midst, then you’re REALLY missing out and I suggest you make that a goal of your next Rhonda. This kiss takes it up a notch by publicly announcing their kiss atop a raised go go box complete with stripper pole. Well played. (Insert golf clap here)
I just simply LOVE an Afro. I tried it once in the 70s but it didn’t work so well for me. I mean don’t get me wrong I still looked TO-DIE-FOR, but not so much to-rise-from-the-dead-for, you know what I mean? This little vixen pulls it off so so well though.
I consider myself quite the connoisseur of luxurious living, and for me one of the ways I like to communicate that with the world is showing up anywhere in a chic robe, with just heels and a done up face. There’s nothing that says “I could do this in my sleep” than wearing a nice robe to a function. With that in mind I must applaud this young lady for carrying the torch of my robe-life into my own party. Touché.
Well those were some special people that popped out of the sea of loveliness I felt on the 4th of July. Make sure to come correct to A Club Called Rhonda tomorrow night, leaving a lasting impression might just land you a spot amongst my Golden Achievers…
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